Your Last Breath

We cried while holding you. We could tell you were slipping away. I told you, “Just be free baby.” We loved you up to your last breath. My poor son was crying non stop. He thought it was his fault that you had to leave us so early. You can’t speak to us. We tried to always make you happy. We don’t understand why you had to leave us so early. I hope you know that we loved you so much.

I swear the other night I saw you running around. You were always so happy just running in and out of closets. I hope you did not feel pain. If only you could talk we would have known you were sick. I was holding my son as we laid down to rest. I never seen him cry like this before. He loved you with all his heart. Him hurting is making my heart hurt, even worse.

Learning about death is horrible. Watching your son cry is the worst. I can’t fix this. No matter what I do. I can’t bring her back. I hate that you had to go so soon. I hope you know we loved you. Be free baby I hope to see you up in heaven.

Sleep

I was walking alone in the snow. I also had my dog, Tucker, with me. If you have never walked in the forest right after a fresh snow, you may not understand this. It was the most peaceful thing you could ever imagine. The snow was deep, almost past my knees. Tucker, crazy dog, was hopping through the snow like a crazy person. The trees were covered with snow and the branches were hanging low. If you just stand there, you can’t hear anything but snow falling from trees. There are no tracks; no one has walked here since the fresh snow. I keep walking. My legs become tired. It’s a lot of work to walk through snow, this deep.

It starts snowing again. All I see are trees and white. Tucker is just running around. I decide I need to rest, so I lay down and make a snow angel. I catch some snow flakes on my tongue. I just lay there watching the snow hit my face. It’s so peaceful. I just want to sleep. My fingers and my toes are so cold. I don’t want to stand; it’s just so peaceful.

No one has any idea where I am. I was taking a walk with Tucker. I see it’s starting to get dark. I must get up now. I try to stand but my body just wants to sleep. It’s just so peaceful. No one is talking and there is no sound. I must have fallen asleep. Next thing I knew Tucker was licking my face.

“Ok Baby! It’s time to go.” My body was so cold standing, and I hurt so bad. It’s dark, now. I have no idea where I am. I have no cell phone or anything. I know my boys need to eat, so I must get back. Tucker looks at me like, “Ok let’s go!” I tell him, “Buddy, I am lost. I am just to tired to make it.” I lay back down. At this point tucker lays on me. He must have known I was freezing. His body heat warmed me up enough to get up. I said, “Buddy! Show me how to get home.” He starts walking. Our tracks have been covered by the new snow. I fear I may never make it back home. My husband is, most likely, really mad, because I wasn’t home to make dinner. Did he even try to look for me? Then I become sad. I am a missing person that no one missed. I start to cry. It’s so cold that my tears freeze to my face.

Tucker is now whining at me to say, “Come on! I want to go home.” At least I know that Tucker will never leave me. I feel like I have been walking for hours. I tell Tucker, “Buddy! I can’t go any more. I just need to sleep.”

So I laid down in the snow. I was at peace. I felt warm all over. I felt no pain. My mind was at peace.

The next thing I remember, my husband was standing over me with Tucker. He says, “Julie wake up! The boys and I need you.” I feel cold and pain. I am confused. He makes me stand up and he helps me walk out of the woods.

Tucker had gone back and got my husband, to let him know I was in danger. I made it back home, and took a hot shower and kissed my boys.

Alone

There must be 200 people in here and I feel alone. Why is that? Have you ever been in a place with a crowd but yet feel alone? I have. Every one is talking and and having fun. I am sitting here watching every one. There is only one person I want to see tonight. He won’t be here. I thought I will go out and enjoy. Yet I sit her alone wondering what he is doing. I have never felt so alone before. I must no 20 people here. Yet I chose just to sit here alone.

I hear a great song. Look around to dance with you but I no there is no way. I no if you were here you would take my hand and lead me. I hear your voice say go dance. I get up find my way to floor. I dance like you are there. Many guys trying to take your place. I am only dancing with you. If you could see me now you would laugh at me. I no where ever I am you are with me. So I am never alone. Why do I feel so lonely when in a crowd? When I am home I bored when I go out I am lonely.

If I would if known that last dance was our last. I would of dance all night. I would of held you so tight. How could I of known? There was no way. How do I move on when our chapter wasn’t finished. If I could have just one more night with you holding me. I took so much for granted. Like tomorrow will always be there.

I know you would want me to be happy and find love. How do I love someone else when heart belongs to you? How do I tell my heart just to move on?

I didn’t even know I could love again. You fixed my heart. Then it shattered again. If love could bring you back to me. You would be dancing with me right now.

Till then I will dance and wait for my heart to love again.

Stay

I just want you to stay

I don’t want to go another day

Without you

What do I have to do

Just for you to stay?

I just want you to lay

With me all day

If I told you I loved you

Or am I just a few

Years late

Why did you make me wait?

What can I do to make you stay?

I know one day

You will realize I was the one

Being with you is so fun

What can I do to make you stay?

The Story

It just ended! The book was so good. I waited for three years for it come out, then after a few chapters, it just ends. I had to read all the books just to get to this one. Why would it just end?!? Who would start such a great book and just stop? Why not at least write a few more chapters? Maybe I could write him a letter and tell him how I feel; tell him I really, really love this book and I want him to finish it. Maybe that was his plan all long, to make me read all the other ones…Just start this one that he knew I wanted for so long…just stop after a few chapters. I hope that was not his plan. It’s just not fair to me, and all his readers.

I heard that he found a new story to write about. He just left this, hoping to come back and finish it. This, by far, has been his best book. This could have been his one book that made him famous. Now we will never know. I guess he has other books, but they weren’t nearly as good as this one.

I found other books to read, but they were not his. I just love his style. I’m so mad at him, like I know him personally. lol. He let me down. It took me months to find another book that I even wanted to read. I get through a few chapters, and just put it down; something is always wrong with them. Some, I just lost interest. From time to time I would go and read his book; the few chapters he had finished, and I still want more every time I read it. He was so busy trying to find the perfect story, that he left the one that could have changed his life. Maybe someday he will finally finish it. Until then, I am still in search for a great book that will keep my interest to the end…….

Sometimes Things Just Happen

Unsinkable ships sink

Unbreakable walls break

Unbendable steal bends

Sometimes things just happen

Love changes into hate, sometimes

Happiness turns into sadness

Freedom turns into imprisonment

Sometimes things just happen

Strong can turn into weak

Laughter can change to silence

Hearts can break

Trust can be broken

The truth can turn into a lie

Some day can turn into never

A fantasy can turn into reality

Sometimes things just happen

The sun will rise

The sun will set

Dreams can come true

Hearts can mend

You can find love

You can change yourself

You can change your plans

You can change where you live

The only thing you can never change is dying

The only thing that is forever is death

The Storm!

The weather man had been talking about it for days! It’s the big one. It’s coming. We all waited for the storm, watching closely, but continuing on with our lives; trying to figure out if it was going to hit, or not, and how big it was going to be. Everyone did the best they could to prepare for it. Sometimes you just never know how bad it will be.

Do I stay or do I leave? Do I wait out what could hurt me? I could lose everything . Then again, maybe I will be fine. I have been through storms before and I always made it just fine.

I need to protect myself and kids, so I believe the best thing to do is leave; leave before the storm hits…before I could get hurt. If my stuff gets ruined that is fine, it’s just stuff. I cannot be replaced, nor my kids.

So I left until the storm had passed. I could tell there was a lot of damage done. So many people lost so much. I just lost money on hotels and gas. I got to spend time with my boys. We made memories that I will remember forever.

I returned after the storm hit. It had finally gone away. It seemed like it was going to stay forever. Some places were hit harder then others. It took down so many strong trees. This storm was powerful! It made a mess and destroyed people’s lives, but it didn’t care at all. I am not sure how many more storms like this I can handle. I am really hoping this is the last big storm to hit. I was fine, and my boys, and all my stuff. Next time I might not be as lucky.